Nerves
Okay, now I am starting to get a little nervous. It's weird....I have been unusually calm. My nature is to dwell, Google everything, think worst case scenario, lay in bed all night thinking...well, you get the point. I have actually been going with the flow. Is it because I have been dealing with this for almost 6 years now?
I have been reading alot on infertilty blogs and have stared at alot of them with a furrowed brow of confusion. These girls use abbreviations, numbers and lingo that I am totally clueless to. Should I know more about what's going on? I know what medicine I am supposed to take, when to get a shot and when to go to the Dr. Am I not consuming myself with every bit of knowledge because I am scared or just too lazy to figure it out? Maybe if I know every detail it will be too real and the thought of disappointment will be more difficult...does that make sense? It's getting more real each day, though...having a needle stuck in me 4 times a day kinda helps with the reality of the situation.
I am so scared this isn't going to work. Because our diagnosis is unknown infertility we have never been given anything to go with...no way to say 'here's the problem, this is what we can do'. What the hell is going on inside of me? Are the sperm not getting to the egg, are they getting there and can't penetrate, do they get in and the egg doesn't make it's way? God, please let this work!
I have been reading alot on infertilty blogs and have stared at alot of them with a furrowed brow of confusion. These girls use abbreviations, numbers and lingo that I am totally clueless to. Should I know more about what's going on? I know what medicine I am supposed to take, when to get a shot and when to go to the Dr. Am I not consuming myself with every bit of knowledge because I am scared or just too lazy to figure it out? Maybe if I know every detail it will be too real and the thought of disappointment will be more difficult...does that make sense? It's getting more real each day, though...having a needle stuck in me 4 times a day kinda helps with the reality of the situation.
I am so scared this isn't going to work. Because our diagnosis is unknown infertility we have never been given anything to go with...no way to say 'here's the problem, this is what we can do'. What the hell is going on inside of me? Are the sperm not getting to the egg, are they getting there and can't penetrate, do they get in and the egg doesn't make it's way? God, please let this work!
Labels: Infertility
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5 Comments:
Oh Amy~ Hang in there. I would not worry yourself with all the lingo. Just do and focus on what your doctor says. I'll be praying that all this works out for you. Love you.
Thanks for stopping by my blog!
I know it's really overwhelming to get involved in the world of online infertility - I didn't understand the acronyms and stuff for the longest time either. But you don't have to be any more involved with the specifics of your cycle than you want to be. Don't worry if you don't know every little detail.
Since you asked, the Nest Baby Board is at a website called www.thenest.com. A lot of IF bloggers go to the "Trouble Trying to Conceive" (or TTTC) message board there. It's an incredibly supportive group of women (who are very kind to newbies). Come and play with us! www.thenest.com, click on talk, and then find the Trouble TTC board.
Good luck!
Hey, Amy! Your blog is so funny and sincere. Thanks for sharing it! For what it's worth, my Aunty Kathy and Uncle Bill struggled for years to get pregnant before they finally did the fertility treatment route. Within months, my Aunt was pregnant with 3 babies (twin boys and a girl). Prior to that, they had been trying for the same amount of time you and Joe have (same diagnosis, too). Don't worry -- just be you, relax, think positive and keep to the routine! You know I'm not a religious person but in this case, I believe in the "let go and let God" saying. Sending positive fertility vibes your way! +++++++++++++++++
This is only a suggestion. I understand that I am not in your shoes. I understand that I cannot even begin to understand the plethora of emotions you must feel on a daily basis. With that said here is my suggestion. Focus only on the outcome you want. There are many different type of exercises you can utilize to help you practice this concept. If you must read other people’s fertility stories, then only read ones where people were successful. If you must Google information, then only Google success rates, positive outcomes, and happy endings. During this process of baby making, fully emerge yourself ONLY ON THE OUTCOME YOU WANT. The fact that your doctors have not given you and Joe a diagnosis on why you have not gotten pregnant yet should relieve you!! Everything that we want starts in our mind, everything that we do starts in our minds. Remember how I told you my cousin was told at 36 that her doctors told her she would never get pregnant, they told her that her eggs were low quality and she would never get pregnant. She never accepted that has her truth. She still believed. At 37 she was pregnant and gave birth to a beautiful, healthy girl. These are the success stories you need to read! You will get pregnant, you will become a mother. Go listen to Journey’s Don’t Stop Believing and only focus on the outcome you want! I love you and Joe very much!
Oh my Gosh guys....thanks so much for the encouraging words. And Tania...the weirdest thing....we are going to see Journey the night of the insemination!!!! Don't stop believin!!!!
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