Saturday, August 9, 2008

Negative

Well, I have been let down for the 70th time. That's right, since October 2002 I have been reminded every month that I am not pregnant. However, after a fertility procedure it is particularly difficult...this is why I put off IVF for so long. It's much easier to handle not being pregnant when you have not put all your hopes into medical intervention.

I wonder what it's like to see a positive pregnancy test. And, why must my eyes (or my heart) always play tricks on me....I swear I see a positive sign in the window, but after staring at it for 5 minutes it's just one flat line. I prepared myself...I was ready for the let down. But that didn't keep me from laying in bed all night thinking about what if's...how I would tell people, what baby things I wanted to buy, when my due date would be. I better start my period today or I am going to be one pissed off woman. If I have to wait a few more days there will be that glimmer of hope....the universe setting you up for a second round of disappointment...I've been there before. This Sucks!

Last time we spoke, the Dr. said she wanted me to take a month off to give my body a break, start the Birth Control Pill next month and then the injections and IVF in October.....I can't believe I have to wait 3 more months.

I am going back to bed now....I feel sick.

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8 Comments:

Blogger Amy B said...

Amy,
I am so very sorry. I was really hoping this round would work. Sending good thoughts and prayers your way.

Hugs

August 9, 2008 at 9:47 AM  
Blogger Amber said...

Oh honey - I am so so sorry. We've all been there: the hopeful night before where our fantasies run away with us, and the upsetting morning after when we come crashing back down to earth.

Be kind to yourself today. Hugs to you.

xo,
Amber

August 9, 2008 at 10:33 AM  
Blogger Jill said...

When I woke up this morning (well, okay at noon), my first thoughts were of you and what you found out.

I'm SO sorry, Amy. I know how long you have dreamed of this. Call me today if you need to talk. I wish I was closer to you. We could get desserts and vent about it.

August 9, 2008 at 1:14 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am thinking about you! Take care of you, and I'm three houses away if you want to vent!

Mis :)

August 9, 2008 at 6:40 PM  
Blogger Amy C said...

Amy, Amber, Jill and Missy- Thank you guys sooo much for your thoughts! It really does help, I am grateful.

August 9, 2008 at 11:08 PM  
Blogger Adriane said...

Just saw this post - I am so very sorry abour the negative test. I am thinking about you today.

August 11, 2008 at 4:59 PM  
Blogger Baby and Me said...

I am so sorry I hope you get your + sign soon!

August 17, 2008 at 10:12 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey Girl,

Thanks for the link ... I can finally read your blogs now, not only working off the Mac anymore! HA! Your so sweet! I could actually hear you talking as I was reading your blogs!

xo
Christine

September 23, 2008 at 12:35 AM  

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