Negative

Well, I have been let down for the 70th time. That's right, since October 2002 I have been reminded every month that I am not pregnant. However, after a fertility procedure it is particularly difficult...this is why I put off IVF for so long. It's much easier to handle not being pregnant when you have not put all your hopes into medical intervention.

I wonder what it's like to see a positive pregnancy test. And, why must my eyes (or my heart) always play tricks on me....I swear I see a positive sign in the window, but after staring at it for 5 minutes it's just one flat line. I prepared myself...I was ready for the let down. But that didn't keep me from laying in bed all night thinking about what if's...how I would tell people, what baby things I wanted to buy, when my due date would be. I better start my period today or I am going to be one pissed off woman. If I have to wait a few more days there will be that glimmer of hope....the universe setting you up for a second round of disappointment...I've been there before. This Sucks!

Last time we spoke, the Dr. said she wanted me to take a month off to give my body a break, start the Birth Control Pill next month and then the injections and IVF in October.....I can't believe I have to wait 3 more months.

I am going back to bed now....I feel sick.